i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
