I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's blow job season.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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