He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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