The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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