There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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