i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
