she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize