So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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