Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
