your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The struggles of a small town man whore
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
