you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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