have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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