I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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