So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
