the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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