Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
