HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
