You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
