My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
