your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
