bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
