You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize