the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
