So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
nutella sex= disaster
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
