pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
