THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
