Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
