cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
