You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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