Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
