just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
