guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
