Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
