Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I need a burrito and a hug.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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