i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
