Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
