never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
