It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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