all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
