I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
