She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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