Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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