Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
