no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
