I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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