we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
