I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
