He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
