ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
