Dude my mom stole all your condoms
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
