Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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