Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
