dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
