Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
