And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize