Say something about gay babies.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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