I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
