3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
