The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
