Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
