Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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