yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need moral support for this bender
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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