I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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