so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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