dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
