I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
