It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize