He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
