Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize