I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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