watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
