I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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