id be glad to
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
