Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
