Betty ford says i'm here all night
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
