Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You took a bar mat shot.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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