I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
