I'm so fucking centered right now
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
