: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
