How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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