Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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