I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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