dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
