He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
