Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
