just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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