Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize