just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
