forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
