okay pat passed out under dana's car
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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