I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize