ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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