i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
