He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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