Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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