Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
