its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
