Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
