Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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