Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just cropdusted the office
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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