he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
