Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
