How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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