remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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