I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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