final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize